I make a dirty little religion out of lovin’
I’ll make a dirty little convert out of you
I make a dirty little religion out of lovin’
It’s a dirty little religion, hallelujah

Dirty little acolyte
Dirty little one
You’ll learn the fundamentals of desire
Can I get a witness
To my testament?
Can I get an amen from the choir?

–Warren Zevon

My first orgasm was when I was ten years old. It was a bright Saturday morning and I was playing with my dick in my grandmother’s house while I watched scrambled porn on the TV. She had left for synagogue, and the shame of masturbating instead of davening certainly heightened the experience. The scrambling distorted figures on the screen, but the audio was clear. This had two results. An affection for the work of Picasso, and the launching of an obsession for audio porn. Sure, there was no shortage of 900 numbers, and the toll-free introductory message alone was steamy enough to turn even the coolest sixth graders beet red at the payphone while their classmates looked on, but anything artificial can be bought with money. Where’s the love of the game? By the time I was fourteen I was finding girls, and grown women, in chat rooms to have phonesex with and downloading very early pornographic audio files from the internet – anything from candid sex to narrated stories. Pictures and video rarely do it for me, but audio enters you – you feel sound inside you.

There came a time in my late twenties when I was having trouble finding partners for phonesex and I stumbled upon a subreddit devoted to erotic audio recordings. While I was perfectly content listening to a limitless community of women talk about their filthy desires, or masturbate in their car during their lunch break, or give jerk off instructionals, eventually I wanted to play, and I posted a recording of myself reading some smut, and garnered some correspondence from listeners. But there came a time when I dared cross the line and think that maybe someone, somewhere wanted to hear a guy jerk off. Much like I heard the women do I addressed a specific, yet nameless, listener and described a scenario, a fantasy, a dirty little desire that made me hot while I stroked my cock until I came. If anything, I imagined a one-sided phonesex conversation. And considering many of my early partners preferred to listen, and not to talk, I already had a lot of experience with this.

I gained likes and upvotes and karma or whatever. Nowhere near that of your average woman cumming on reddit, but there were still people clearly reacting to what I was doing. And I would talk to fans and get off on that. And when I was going on dates, and conversations would turn to sex, I would share the recordings. It always helped. And when I found some partners who were really into it, we made recordings together. The first collaborative recording I posted was my partner Moanasaurus, choking on my cock for a good ten minutes. Six months later I had a collection of recordings with partners who indulged me in my hobby of making free, anonymous pornography. Those partners who declined were mostly concerned about spouses finding out, or their positions within the government and community, etc. I had stupid titles like, “Keep Being a Good Girl and That’s What You’ll Get,” and “Waking up Princess for her First Time.” And of course, “Sex While Tripping on Mushrooms on Christmas Morning.” But I had submissive recordings too. My most popular recording to date is a solo recording called “Begging After Work,” where I fantasized about just really needing a blowjob after work, and being denied ejaculation multiple times until I begged and pleaded.

After a year and a half, I had nearly a million plays, and close to a thousand subscribers from around the world. The USA is number one, followed by usual suspects such as Canada, the UK, Australia, France, and Germany. But I love seeing how many plays come from places like Palestine, Singapore, Syria, Morocco, and Azerbaijan. Some listeners in less developed countries asked me to make them available for download because they don’t have a reliable internet connection.

I found that while my listener base varied greatly, my most vocal fans were virgin women in their early 20s. When I would talk to them, via email or phone, I could hear myself in their voice. I could hear a 15-year old me desperate for contact, and perhaps the most satisfying part was giving them what they wanted. One particular fan contacted me one day and she said she was afraid to sound creepy, but that she has been listening to me constantly. I told her it wasn’t creepy it was flattering. But then I decided to be a little creepy myself and look at my listener stats. In the last seven days she was my biggest listener with 96 plays. In the last 30 days 264. In the last year, she listened to me cum or be cummed 374 times. And she was only number 2. Eventually, she deleted her account because, as she said, it was distracting her at work. She was the third person to tell me she listens to my audios as she goes to sleep. But she was the only fan to ever tell me she didn’t approve of what I did or how I lived my life. She was saving herself for marriage, and I was a degenerate slut. Big talk for someone who can quote my orgasms.